A Damning or Blessing

20161215_110125You fight and kill at each others’
freedoms and limbs cuz the anger
tricks you to whip and slave
To nazi and to Jew
To rock over the bus and light it
on fire before you climb out, dear you
I have watched from inside the house
humming and singing as the pie bakes, the meat roasts kissing fat babies and embracing your existence living in a dream world full of coffee and poetry, painting and folding clothes, living a fantasy of soft fluffy puppies and beautiful cloths drape around my fat and happy body

But you are so busy destroying
Yourselves that you don’t realize
You are building a wall of dead bodies around yourself

You have imprisoned yourselves with your lifeless families

Willingly you take your clothes off and fold them in a neat pile
put your gold in the heap and sit
in the poisonous gas of your putrefaction, meditating
The great experiment has begun and you hurry to see how fast you can kill yourselves

The speed you do it is hard to keep up with

Damn it -throw down the gun from her temple
Lady liberty  was given to you on the day you were born

And now you can’t wait to grab her by the pussy
lock her to the pillars of your bed
rape her and then burn her down And well her blood is coming from her whatever
It is all over you -Sticky and hot
you can’t move in the vicious thick stink
Ive seen the plains in a nightmare
Dropping bombs on the prairie and flash the shore for
Each night I vision of your war
You kill for coin lust
in the morning
I cradle your babies, dead
And rotten, I sing lullabies to your young covered in blood,
sand slips and slides, so do you child
climb into the camel’s eye and hide
sand slips and slides to the other side

The shadows come and whisper in my ear
and show me the horrors you commit
In the name of thirst and hunger

They give me the spoon and force
me to stir the generations of
Broken bodies so I can read
the signs until now, now I’ve learned to stoically
love war and peace, the swing up and the fall down
The faster it be done I cry as the warning call.
I scream until I’m hoarse slinging my spoon
Faster and stronger, to see your future self doom human

The outsiders looking down have come to eat
Limb by foot and finger, ass and cunt they eat
You pray out but the gods have abandoned
you with a bet with the devils

They have bet against you
They have grown tired of your abuse
Dived into the mouth of giant black
worm in the center of your universe
They have been torn apart and now are falling out creating existence elsewhere by tearing yours apart
They have cursed you to kill yourself
They have given you to evil.
They force my mouth to me tell you
Enslaved my hand to hold the mirror of your undoing
They have  given me the evil eye
and made me swallow it to
burn me out as I speak your doom

by your own hand you die and live
by your own heart you will be loved
by your own hate you will hearth
by your own frost you will have lost

The snake shadows are fucking you.
And soon dear, they’ll fuck you dead.
I am the sibyl you do not kill; I’m already beheaded.
I am the dove on the wind of the wilderness
Suffocated with honey and locust
Heed my dead song – only you can save yourself
Only you can love the shadows
out or beat the blood lust to dust

The deathmares

Stopped about a month ago

I waited until now to make sure or not to jinx it

They were bad.  Everyone died. Night after night
They were locked and stiff
Grotesque with strange smiles and wide eyes, in fancy silks and cheap jewelry, shoeless with crosses wrapped around their hands
They were waterfalls.
They were moon illusions. 
They were sun spots.
And I’d find them
in their beds and in the their backyard. I’d see their feet poking out of the lilac bushes and hanging from clothes lines
their hair grew and wrapped and knotted around my legs

Each time I leaned in, searching with fuzzy Dream eyes, trying  to understand what I saw, then I’d  realize in new shock it was my dead family. I was a minute too late .  i dropped them  and ran.  But  they stuck to me. They came out of the furniture,  or the walls or other loved ones bodies.

I awoke scared and weepy night after night until I learned I would be lucky when I died

That’s when the death-mares ended

Fatty fuck fuck

How many times are you going to tell me Henry  is going to leave me for some skinny younger beautiful shiny warm bag?

What happens  if he does, you can say see, told you so, no one could love a fat fuck like you?

We’ve been together since we’re kids, now we are old and we have fucked through bad and good, through young and fat, through grief and birth.
 

I am an old fat piece of shit now and I get it anytime I want.

You haven’t got any.  You are skinny and hardworking and smart and good looking but you don’t know how to accept or love others. You put people down in guise of helping but it’s not helpful. Its hurtful and mean and hateful

guilt is a funny thing

 

 

 

it doesn’t matter if you knew better

or if you were doing your best with

the knowledge you had

 

if your own hindsight doesn’t shame you

someone else’s will

 

if it doesn’t, you’re probably not human